Long time no see, Bejus’ peoples

Ya’ll know that feller what lets Bejus live in his garage done got all hoity-toity an’ calls hisself writin’ serious stuff these days. Done locked up that computer page of his’n so tight Bejus cain’t git in to it no more. Bejus been waitin’ fer his peoples to set him free from the fort an’ unleash him on the computer networks agin, an’ it looks like somebody done got the ball rollin’. Thankee whoever you is…Bejus might ‘member to set aside a carton of Dorals for you, but probly not.

Ain’t much changed with Bejus’ circumstances since he last talked to his peoples. Bejus done made him a few “upgrades” to the fort, since the Rent Man’s wife bought all them new furniture items an’ there was so many boxes left over. Had to git them boxes fast, though, afore Goat-boy tossed ‘em in the burn pile out back, on account of he don’t care ’bout Bejus an’ never did. Bejus had hisself a good laugh about ol’ Rent Man an’ that burn pile ‘tother day…it got to burnin’ so good that fool got scairt an’ run out there to stomp on it ’round the edges, an’ the fool’s shoe caught fire. Y’all should have seen him runnin’ in circles tryin’ to stomp one foot with the other’n.

Dorals done got more expensive, y’all noticed? That feller at the cigarette store done put up a bullitproof glass window ‘tween him and his peoples, so Bejus cain’t talk to him ’bout nekkid women to make him look at them nekkid books while Bejus drops a carton down his overalls accidentally on purpose like he used to. Bejus needs to find him a new cigarette store, or find out where Goat-boy moved the change jar to, one or t’other. There just ain’t no fun in sellin’ Dorals to the trailer people if’n Bejus cain’t make beer money off of it.

Speakin’ of trailer peoples, them mean damn Criswells over on Lot 34 in Social Circle done had them another fight Thursday last, an’ Bobby Criswell got took off to jail fer breakin’ a beer bottle over the top of Luther Nix’s haid. I ain’t never knew Luther had blood in his haid, figgered after all this time t’wasn’t nothin’ but Evan Williams likker inside him. Luther bled like a stuck pig, though, an’ they carried him off to the hospital, so Miss Joan, the trailer park manager said she’d pay Bejus twenty dollars to go in Luther’s trailer an’ clean it up some afore Luther got home. Bejus got out the carpet washer machine an’ run it over Luther’s carpet, an’ the juice stuff in that machine looked an’ smelled so bad Bejus had him an idea. Fished out an’ old Mayernaise jug from the trash bin out behind the gas station an’ washed it out with some gasoline, then filled it up with the Luther juice an’ capped it. Took that Luther juice over to Cindy Criswell, Bobby’s sister, an’ tol’ her rub some on Bobby’s eyeball where the police thumped him in it.

Bejus don’t reckon he’ll go by Social Circle for awhile.

Luther had him the derndest thing in his ‘fridgerator too, it was bacon, I guess, but it was green. One of ol’ Rent Man’s younguns used to have her a book about a feller what et green aigs an’ ham, so this here green bacon might be purty good. Since Mrs. Rent Man be’s so nice to Bejus, Bejus might fix her a plate of it on Sunday mornin’. Rent Man don’t git none though, ’cause he’s mean. Not as mean as a Criswell, but he ain’t as big as a Criswell either. He ever grows any more, Bejus might have to find a new garage.

Bejus will talk to his peoples more after he gits aholt of some of Rent Man’s likker this evening.

Yeah.